It didn’t take long for Spencer to fully fall asleep. Even once he was out, Morgan kept stroking his hair, making sure that the young man was completely asleep. He watched him as he slept, eyes traveling over the marks that were visible. The wrist in the brace was folded to rest over Spencer’s stomach, carefully out of the way of anything else. His eye still looked so swollen, even while shut. The bruise there was only going to get more colorful as it started to heal. It covered Spencer’s eye, down over his high cheekbone, so stark against the rest of that pale skin.
Scratches and bruises marred Spencer’s knuckles. His hands were going to be tender for a few days. Morgan knew from experience that it would be difficult to do things for a little while. He’d been in plenty of fights in his life to know what it felt like on the hands the next day. Or even the next couple of days, sometimes, depending on how much hitting had been done and how hard.
He hated seeing Spencer beat up like this. Absolutely hated the idea that it had happened because he hadn’t been there to keep him safe like he promised.
“You know, it wasn’t your fault.” Dave said suddenly. He’d moved closer to the bed, watching the two of them with a sage look in his eyes. Surprised, Morgan looked up, noticing for the first time that the room was empty. Where had the others gone? The question must have been written on his face because Dave smiled and told him “They all went to go take care of getting things ready for us to go home. Hotch was headed to the police station to take care of the last bit of paperwork. The Unsub never made it to the hospital, so there’s no interrogation to worry about there.”
Morgan smirked as he turned to look at Spencer again. Good. The bastard wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone again.
When Dave touched his shoulder, Morgan turned to look at him again, surprised at the compassion he saw there. “How long?” Dave asked him gently.
“What?”
“How long have you felt this way about Reid?”
That had Morgan’s hand freezing in Spencer’s hair. After a second’s pause, he resumed stroking those long locks, soothing himself with the gesture. Was there any point in denying what he felt to Dave? He had no shame in his emotions. “A long time.” He finally said.
Dave nodded as if he’d already known. “I take it he admitted how he feels, too?”
Laughter tickled the back of Morgan’s throat. “Not much gets by you, does it?” he joked.
“Hell, Morgan, I’ve been doing this job way too long for me to miss something so obvious. If this got by me, I wouldn’t deserve to have my job. Though I don’t think the others have caught on.” The two shared a soft laugh. Abruptly, Dave turned serious again. His eyes moved over to Spencer. “There are things I don’t know. I know that he’s in a relationship with someone and I know it’s not healthy. But what’s wrong with it, I don’t know. I’m hoping you do?” The last part was phrased as a question.
Eyes steady, Morgan nodded, saying “Yes.” He wasn’t about to give away Spencer’s secret. That was something that was Spencer’s to tell, not his.
“So long as he has someone there to help him.” With one last look at Spencer, the older profiler turned to give Morgan a final smile. “I’ll go check in with the others. We’ll be back in a few hours. If he wakes up and he’s clear to go before then, give us a call.”
“Ok.” Morgan told him. He waited until Dave was by the door before calling out his name. When Dave looked back, Morgan smiled. “Thanks, Rossi.”
Dave grinned at him. “Anytime, Morgan. Anytime.”
CMCM
Hours later, Spencer and Morgan were making their way outside to the waiting SUV. The two were quiet, not saying anything to each other as they moved. Though Morgan hadn’t said anything, Spencer could see the worry written in his eyes. Not that he could blame him. Spencer felt that same worry running inside of him as well. There were so many things in his head at the moment that he was having a hard time processing them all. He couldn’t help but love Morgan a little more when he saw that his love had understood. He’d seemed to catch on to Spencer’s mood from the instant the young man had woken up and he hadn’t pushed him. For a few short minutes they’d talked, Morgan catching Spencer up on what had really happened and what hadn’t during the panic attack as well as what was going on with the case. After that, Morgan had called Aaron, telling him they were ready to leave. Nothing had been spoken since then.
The first thing Spencer had been made aware of—which was also one of the things he was worried about the most—was the familiar feel of need coursing inside of him. That extra jitteriness inside that was testament to the medication he’d been given. How could someone have given him medication that was clearly listed on his chart that he did not take? What if he’d been allergic? The doctor could have killed him!
Morgan had been quietly furious when he told Spencer that Dr. Tao said the other doctor had given him more morphine than necessary for his body size. So, while Morgan was in the bathroom, Spencer had taken his chart from the end of the bed and read it. Not only had that told him what exactly was wrong with him, but it had told him how much medication he’d been given. And really, the morphine they gave you wasn’t that much more than you should have been given. Dr. Tao would have thought it was a lot he thought to himself. But the other doctor probably saw how quickly my body was burning it off. If it really had been too much for me, I never would have been able to get up out of bed and race to the bathroom the way I did.
Lost in thought, Spencer barely paid any attention as Morgan helped him climb into the SUV. He missed the concerned look from Emily, who was driving, as well as the looks Aaron and Dave had given as they’d watched from the other SUV. He didn’t even see that Morgan climbed into the front seat. All of his thoughts were focused inward.
It made him feel a little sick if he let himself think about that sensation of the morphine filling him. He could clearly recall how it had felt to wake up in that hospital bed and know, without a single doubt, what was in him. To recognize instantly the effects his body was under. It made him feel even sicker to think of the little kernel of enjoyment he’d gotten out of it.
Because thinking about it made him start to twitch slightly, the wanting trying to take over, Spencer pushed his brain onto other thoughts. There were plenty of other things to think about.
The first thing that came in was Quentin. Though it had been in self-defense, Spencer didn’t like the fact that he’d had to shoot the man. Nothing justified the things Quentin had done. In his head, Spencer knew that. But he couldn’t help feeling sorry for the man. He’d been through utter hell; not everyone had the mental strength to make it out the other side.
Morgan had told him that Quentin had died before ever making it to the hospital. He also said that they’d found his identification in his wallet and Garcia had done a search for him. Apparently the rest of the team as well as officers had gone out to the only residence that came up under his name. In his house, they’d found all the information necessary to prove that Quentin had committed the crimes he’d been accused of. They found not only the set up to his link at home where he watched the houses, but videos he’d made of what he’d done to the couples.
After that, it had simply been a matter of wrapping things up. Garcia had un-enrolled Spencer from Penn State. The identities of Spencer Allen and Derek Matthews had officially been erased. Everything on their part was done. The case was closed.
Part of Spencer was happy with this. A killer was off the streets. They’d done good work, here. But the other part of him was almost sad to see it end. The little idyllic life he’d made with Morgan had ended. Now it was time to return home; to return to reality. Everything had seemed possible when he’d been in that little house with Morgan, cut off from their old life. It had been easy to relax with Morgan and to put off thinking about what was waiting at home. Now it was almost all he could think about. More than anything else, Michael was taking center stage in his thoughts, even though he kept trying to push it back.
What was he going to do now? Morgan said that he’d help him; that he’d keep him and the others safe. But how would he do that? They’d discussed reporting this to the police one time. Spencer felt his stomach lurch a little at the thought. That would be hell. Not to mention, he could almost guarantee the police wouldn’t take the case seriously, for multiple reasons. One of which being, he was a federal agent, trained to take down serial killers. They’d probably laugh at the idea that an Agent would be getting the crap beat out of him at home.
But even more than that was the fact that there was no physical evidence. The marks on his body from Michael’s beating were already gone. Any old scars could be explained away as part of his work, unless he let them do an internal examination and that wasn’t something he thought he could let them do. Even then, Michael could say that it wasn’t from him or that their sex was a little rough sometimes.
All in all, there was no evidence. Michael would walk. And then…Spencer shuddered. He knew what would happen next. Michael would hurt someone close to Spencer to get back at him, or he would come after Spencer and kill him. So what options did that leave him with?
He vaguely felt the car stop and turn off. Running on autopilot, he used his good hand to unhook his seatbelt. Before he could reach the door handle, the door was already opening for him. Morgan’s hands were gentle on him, recognizable even with as far drawn into his mind as he was, leading him toward the jet. Spencer let himself be led inside and even led over to the couch. There he curled up without any need of assistance, his knees coming up to his chest, arms crossing over the top of them and his head resting on his arms. It allowed him to stare out the window.
There was little time left before they would be home. Just a few hours and he was going to have to face the last person he wanted to see. What the hell was he going to do? He didn’t want to go home with Michael. That was the last thing he wanted.
For a second he indulged himself in thinking about what he wanted to happen. What he’d like to have happen was to go home with Morgan. To head to his house and simply climb into bed. Nothing sexual yet; just that closeness that had grown between them on this operation. Would it still be there once they were back home? That was all he wanted. To just go with Morgan to his house and lie in the safety of Morgan’s arms. Being in Morgan’s arms always made him a little safer, a little steadier.
Wrapped in that fantasy, Spencer slowly drifted to sleep.
CMCM
He was jerked back awake by the feel of a hand on his ankle. The touch was gentle, almost a caress. That told him who it was before he even opened his eyes. Once his eyes were open, he lifted them, finding Morgan sitting right beside him. It took a lot of Spencer’s control to not lean over and press a gentle kiss to Morgan’s lips. He’d gotten so used to being able to do that over the past few weeks; it was a habit now. The thought that he couldn’t indulge it anymore left him saddened.
“We’re almost home, pretty boy.” Morgan told him softly. There was concern on his face for anyone to be able to see, even without the skills of a profiler. “I know I should have asked you before, but…do you know what you’re going to do?”
Spencer’s head jerked up, instantly looking around the jet to see if anyone was close enough to hear. Only when he saw the others were all asleep did he look back at Morgan again. “I…I don’t know.” He admitted in a low whisper. “I don’t know what to do, Derek.” Neither of them noticed the fact that Spencer still called him Derek. Before this case, it had always been Morgan. But now the name ‘Derek’ slipped out so much easier. Morgan was his best friend. Derek….Derek was so much more.
“I don’t want to let you go home.” The quiet admission went straight to Spencer’s heart. He couldn’t stop himself from moving his good hand off his knees, down to rest over Morgan’s. Their fingers twined together in a gesture that had become normal for them. Another little trait that was carrying over without them even realizing it. Morgan’s eyes looked slightly anguished as they locked onto Spencer. “I don’t want you to go back there and have something happen to you. All I want to do is kidnap you and take you home with me where I know you’ll be safe. Where I can see you, every day.”
Spencer couldn’t deny his feelings when he was faced with Morgan’s this way. “I want that too, Derek. More than anything else. But if he finds out…”
“We can go to the police in the morning, Spencer. If, well, if you’re still ok with it.”
That had Spencer biting his lip. “I, I don’t know what help they’ll be.” When he saw Morgan was ready to protest, Spencer squeezed his hand to keep him quiet. “You have to look at it like a cop, Derek. I have no hospital records or preexisting police reports to corroborate my story.” His voice was so low that Morgan had to lean in to hear him. But they couldn’t risk anyone else hearing. “Any damage that he caused before I left is already gone. I have no viable proof to validate my claim. He’d be released and you know it. Then where would we be?”
“I can’t just let you go there and be hurt, Spencer. You can’t ask me to do that.”
“I don’t know what else to do.” And oh, how that hurt. “If you have any better options, speak up. But I haven’t been able to come up with anything.” He felt tears building in his eyes and had to fight to keep them back. He didn’t want to go home! He wanted to stay like this, with Morgan, forever. Here on the jet with his family, with the love of his life, was one of the happiest places for him. One of the safest.
Morgan took a shuddering breath and scooted just a little closer. “Spencer…I know you don’t want to do it, but I don’t know what to do and this seems like the only choice. We could tell the team. They’d help us, you know they would.”
Tell the team? Spencer’s eyes grew wide with horror. The idea of filing a police report had been bad enough. But to tell the team? Straight out tell them….God, he didn’t know if he could do that. But what other options did he have? He didn’t want life to go back to the way that it had been. If it did, he didn’t know if he’d survive it. Not physically and not mentally. He’d been shown what love was; he’d been given a taste of joy. How could he go back to hell now?
He didn’t know if he could do it, though. Could he bring himself to show them how weak he was? To tell them that he’d been an idiot and had not only put himself in a hellish position, but had inadvertently put them into one as well? Michael could go after any one of them or their families. He wouldn’t just let Spencer walk away from him. He’d do something.
But if he stayed, was that any better? Maybe, at one point in time, Spencer wouldn’t have cared. Before this trip, before he’d learned what it was like to live and love, he might not have cared about the threat to his own life. He hadn’t, actually. He’d let himself be in mortal danger each time Michael got mad and he’d never done anything to save himself. Here, now, looking at Morgan’s face, Spencer knew one thing. I don’t want to die. He wanted to live. To do that, he was going to have to bring himself to do something he wasn’t comfortable doing. He was going to have to tell them the truth.
“Ok.” The word trembled slightly with the emotion behind it. Just two letters, yet they meant so much more. There was so much promised in them.
Joy lit Morgan’s eyes. He squeezed Spencer’s hand to show his support and his love. “I’ll be with you the whole time, baby boy. We’re going to get this figured out, I promise you that.”
“I hope you’re right.”
The alert to put on their belts interrupted their conversation. Both men unfolded, preparing for landing, as the others around the plane woke up and did the same. No one really said a thing as the plane slowly touched down, but once they had landed and were cleared to move, Spencer knew he had to speak up. If he was going to tell them, it had to be tonight. It had to be before everyone went home. He didn’t know if he could do it here, though. Not on the jet.
Rising to his feet, Spencer wrapped his arms around himself, wincing as his wrist was jostled. The non-narcotic pain medication took the edge off of the pain so that it wasn’t sharp, but it didn’t dull it down the way the morphine would have. Just that little thought was enough to have the need pushing at him again. It was already showing in the small tremble in his hands. He hoped to God the others thought that was just from nerves. He didn’t want them worrying about his withdrawals on top of everything else.
Seeing everyone standing up, he knew he had to speak now, before any of them moved off the plane. “Uh, guys?” He called out. When all heads turned toward him, he gulped but straightened his spine. He wouldn’t back out of this. Morgan was beside him, a hand in the small of his back to help support him, giving him the strength to keep talking. “I…I need to talk to you guys. Do you, well, do you all have time before you go home?”
Aaron had on his serious face, the one he usually wore when something serious came up. “I have to stop at the BAU before we go home to drop off paperwork. If everyone’s free, why don’t we gather in the conference room and talk there?” His expression said that he could see how stressed Spencer was and he wanted to give him time to gather himself. For that, Spencer was eternally grateful. He needed that little bit of time to get his nerves under control. When everyone agreed, Spencer smiled his thanks at them. Then he turned and started his way off the jet.
Morgan was in front of him, carrying both their go-bags for them. Everyone stretched as they moved out of the jet and toward the cars they’d left there. Automatically Spencer moved with Morgan, heading to his car with him. But one voice floated on the air, calling out his name, making him stop in his tracks, his eyes going wide with horror. The mask he’d perfected slid down over his features so that nothing showed through as he turned around. Someone was walking toward him, moving around the rest of the team who stood watching.
Swallowing the lump in his throat, Spencer forced his voice to work. “Hey, Michael.”