Spencer couldn’t help but think that it was a sign of how close he and Morgan were, both from their original friendship as well as this new relationship thing they had, when he stepped out onto the front porch and Morgan looked straight at him and nodded before walking directly to him and lacing their fingers together, asking “Want to catch a movie?”
It was a glorious feeling, having someone know you so well that you don’t really have to explain the important stuff to them. They just know. There was no one else who knew him the way Morgan did. A small smile curved Spencer’s lips. “Yeah.” He admitted. The small squeeze Morgan gave to his fingers was reassuring. A small sharing of support without words. I’ve never had that with anyone before. I’ve never had that feeling of being able to talk without talking. To just understand someone and have them understand me. I’ve always been the kind of person no one understood. The freak. But Morgan didn’t make him feel like a freak. He made him feel unique and special.
Somehow Aaron and Dave got the house cleared of all officers while Emily, Garcia and Morgan herded Spencer to one of the vehicles. Even though he knew they were a team, a family, it still kind of amazed Spencer to know that everyone had showed up this morning once they’d been told about the incident. Not only showed up, but been entirely supportive. For the man who was so used to dealing with life on his own, he could barely process the fact that they were all there for him. Well, for him and Morgan. Maybe they’re just here for Morgan. It is his house, after all. Shots were fired here. That could be it.
As he settled into the backseat, Spencer scowled slightly down at his lap. They’re here for you too, you idiot. Like Hotch told you, this is a family. When are you going to get over this insane fear that everyone is going to walk away from you or hurt you? These people haven’t hurt you. They haven’t left you.
But others have. Others you thought you could trust that sly little voice reminded him. In moments like that, Spencer wished he could strangle that little voice. It was the same one that whispered to him that the drugs helped; that they took away the pain. One little hit won’t hurt it was telling him. You know it’ll make this easier. It’ll make it better. And you won’t be hurting anymore, outside or in. You’ll be floating, at peace. Just one little hit now, come on. You know you want it.
NO! The more practical part of his mind screamed. I do not need it. I don’t need to go down that road again. It may help, but only for a little bit. Then it all comes crashing back, worse than ever. Then I get stuck in that stupid cycle. I hurt, so I use. I use, then I come down. I come down and it all hurts more, so I use again, more than ever, trying to make it last longer. But it’s never enough. It never lasts long enough. I can’t live like that again! I just can’t! I’ve got so many other things in my life. So many better things. I will not ruin it all by going down that route again.
There was no way in hell he was going to do that to himself again. Nor to the people in his life. It had been hard for all of them to watch him spiral. Sometimes he thought it had been as hard for them as it had been for him.
A gentle squeeze on his hand brought his attention out of his mind and back to the present moment. Blinking, Spencer looked around the car, realizing that they were parked somewhere else. When had they left the house? I’ve really got to learn how to stop getting so lost in my thoughts and blanking out the real world. One of these days, it’s going to be the death of me.
“We’re here, pretty boy.” Morgan murmured to him. The two climbed from the car together. Once the door was shut, Spencer looked around him, biting his lip. They were in the parking lot of what looked to be a cozy little diner. The whole team was there, standing with him. Spencer realized that he and Morgan had ridden over in the backseat of Aaron’s SUV, with Dave riding shotgun. Emily and Garcia had apparently driven Garcia’s car over. All of them stood around him now, a solid presence for him, not a one of them looking at him with any judgment in their eyes.
Morgan put an arm around Spencer’s waist and pulled him in for a small sideways hug. “We’ll be in the diner when you’re done, baby boy. Take all the time you need.”
Did they know how much he appreciated this? How much their support meant? Spencer couldn’t bring himself to say the words, but he gave them a shy smile. “Thanks.” One word that didn’t quite cover all that he felt, yet it seemed that they understood. All of them smiled right back at him. Their support gave him the courage to do something he might not have otherwise. He turned, kissing Morgan right there in front of them before he broke away and headed to the meeting hall across the street. He swore he could still feel the support from all of them with him.
He was almost late when he walked in. Quietly he found himself a chair, sitting down and letting his eyes wander the room as the meeting was opened. He’d specifically requested Garcia find him a cop meeting and that was what she had done. This was specifically for law enforcement officers. He couldn’t bring himself to meet with people who weren’t in some field of law enforcement. That just didn’t seem right to him. His job affected his life very much and sharing with people who didn’t understand that wasn’t comfortable with him.
When the speaker asked “Are there any visitors here today?” Spencer raised his hand. Everyone turned to look at him and he stood, shyly telling them “Hi, my name is Spencer.” Everyone greeted him and he took a seat. The rest of it would come out soon enough. He actually felt himself calming as the leader spoke, taking them through the traditional opening. When it came time for sharing, Spencer put himself forward. He was brought to the front of the room to stand before everyone. This was usually the hardest part for him.
Shuffling his feet a little, Spencer looked around the room, trying to battle off his nerves as well as the need that crawled under his skin. “Uh, hi everyone. This isn’t my typical group, but I’m staying with someone and I was kind of in a desperate need. I, I should probably start this better. Sorry.” He flushed and bit his lip. “My name is Spencer and, well, I don’t really know how to label how long I’ve been clean. The last time I used was the last time I fell off the wagon, a one-time thing, one year, seven months, one week and two days ago.” He refrained from giving the hours, minutes and seconds. “My drug of choice was Dilaudid. I became addicted when I was kidnapped on a case and drugged by the Unsub.”
A small murmur ran over the room but no one interrupted. This wasn’t there time to talk. This was his. He put his hand in his pocket, fingering his one year coin.
“Recently I was on an undercover operation. Yesterday,” Was it really only yesterday? “The Unsub came after us and I got a little beat up, as you can probably see. Um, when I was at the hospital I was unconscious and, well, despite the written notice in my records to not give me narcotics, the doctor kind of drugged me to the gills with morphine…” Slowly, as the story came from him, as he watched the faces of people who had been where he had been, Spencer felt some of his tension start to drain away.
CMCM
While Spencer was speaking at his meeting, the others sat at one of the tables in the diner, drinking their coffee, eating their breakfast, and discussing what they were going to do next. The morning’s events were heavy on all their minds. Morgan pushed his eggs around on his plate, trying to pay attention to the conversation and failing miserably. He couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened.
“Quit beating yourself up.” The stern voice that scolded him held a note of affection to it as well. Morgan didn’t even bother turning to look at Garcia. He kept his eyes on his plate, hearing the rest of the table fall silent, waiting to hear what he had to say. He sighed and sat back a little in his chair. “I can’t help it, mama. I was supposed to be keeping an eye on him and he got attacked while I was out running.”
“Are you telling me that you knew something was going to happen this morning?” She challenged.
Morgan shook his head. “No. But I should’ve known it was a possibility. I mean, this bastard’s dead set on having him. I should’ve known he’d freak out when Spencer didn’t come home last night.”
“I heard what Reid said, Morgan. He told the LEO’s that he practically made you get out of bed and go running.” Aaron interjected. He sounded firm and serious, but not scolding. “You had no way of knowing that something would happen while you took a run.”
When Morgan looked up, he saw Dave was nodding his agreement. “Aaron’s right. Plus, think of it this way, Morgan. No one knows Michael better than Reid. If he thought he was safe at your house, of course you didn’t question it. Obviously Reid felt he’d be secure there; that there wouldn’t be a threat, which means that Michael’s behavior was erratic. Something out of the norm for him. This means that it couldn’t have been predicted. You couldn’t have known it would happen.”
The logic was sound. There was no way Morgan could deny that. But he hated the thought that he hadn’t been there to protect the man he loved. “It just seems like every time I leave him alone the past two days, something happens to him.” Picking up his coffee cup, he snorted lightly. “Until this is dealt with, I’m not letting him out of sight. Who knows what’ll happen next time.”
Chuckles passed around the table. “He always has had a tendency to…attract trouble to him.” Emily said teasingly.
“He told me once that he feels like he must have a scent or an invisible sign that just attracts creepy people.” Garcia’s words had everyone laughing. She grinned around at them. “I told him he’s just too darn cute.”
Morgan couldn’t stop himself from grinning. “Aint that the truth, baby girl.”
“From what Reid told the LEO’s, I’d have to say he handled the whole situation rather well.” Drawing the conversation back to their main point, Aaron looked at them. There was a small curve to his lips and a hint of pride in his eyes. “He managed to make Michael leave without either of them getting hurt. Well, except for the door and the wall.”
Chuckling, Morgan took a drink from his coffee. “Yeah, I’ll have to patch those up. Can you believe that I got back from the run, terrified after hearing that gunshot, and the kid gets all nervous and embarrassed when he tells me there’s a hole in my wall?”
“That sounds like Reid.” Emily laughed. “Though I can’t believe he managed to shoot the wall right next to the asshole’s head. Since when does he shoot so well?”
Aaron fielded that question. “He works better when under pressure.” He said with a private kind of smile. There was obviously something more to that story that the others didn’t know, but they didn’t question it. “He’s not taking all of this lying down, either. I’m glad to see it. Holding his own against Michael. Staying calm enough to get to his gun. And you should have heard him during his interview.” A small chuckle slid out.
That definitely had the others attention now. They all leaned in, looking expectantly toward Aaron. He picked up his own coffee and smothered his smile in in for a moment. “They were skeptical about his account of the events.” Setting his cup down, Aaron shook his head. “He was reciting what was said and they thought he might have been mistaken on words from being tired. So he gave them a speech about his memory and adrenaline. Threw them off balance completely. Then later, he told them something hadn’t been prudent for him to do. When the officer repeated the word, Reid took that as meaning that the guy wanted the definition.”
He had to pause in his story to allow them a moment to laugh. Once they were calm, he continued, still grinning. “The guy told him he knew what it meant and Reid, nice as can be, asked him in all seriousness ‘Then why did you ask?’ Without even giving the time to answer, he realized what the guy had meant and basically told him he needed to ask his questions a little clearer.”
“Now that definitely sounds like Reid.” Garcia said. She was sitting back in her chair, watching Aaron with amusement.
The Unit chief walked them through the rest of the interview, making a point to tell them of the cop’s suspicions at the end. “That’ll be something we may have to deal with later on. He was very upfront with letting it be known that he doesn’t believe Reid’s story.”
Sighing, Dave shook his head. “We’ll probably get a lot of that. Domestic violence against males isn’t something that’s typically publicized or believed, even. We know it happens, but there are still a lot of people who think it’s not possible, that no man would let it happen. Add on him being an FBI agent and it’ll make it even harder for them to believe.”
“Add on that there’re no medical records or police reports that can tie any injuries to Michael and that just makes it worse.” Morgan told them. He hated that it was the truth. “All the scars he has, they’d probably try to explain away.”
The table fell silent. Not realizing why, Morgan looked at them curiously. “What?”
Garcia was the one who answered him. “All the scars? How…how bad it is?”
Oh. He hadn’t even thought about saying that to them. Realizing that, duh, they wouldn’t know the extent of injuries Spencer carried—he hadn’t told them that many real details about the wounds themselves and no one else had seen the man naked—he felt bad for letting it slip like that. There was no hiding the truth from them, though. All of this was on its way out into the open. “Pretty bad.” And oh, how he hated to say that. Hated that it was true. “Some are barely noticeable. Some…some are pretty bad. From the way Spencer’s talked about him, it’s safe to say Michael’s a sadist. The more Spencer hurt, the more he tried to make it stop, the more excited Michael became.”
For a long pause the table was silent. They all knew the profile on sadists and sexual sadists. They knew what people like that could do to other people. Thinking of someone like that dating Spencer made them all sick. Forks were put down, plates pushed away. No one was going to be eating anything after thinking like that.
After they sat there for a while, each thinking their own thoughts on what Morgan had said, Dave finally broke that silence. “Even though they might try to explain them away, it would most likely be a good idea to take Reid to a hospital and get him looked at. Photograph the scars and catalogue them all. Maybe they’ll try and argue them; maybe they’ll claim they’re from his job. But a good lawyer could use that evidence to his benefit. We can also get his records from that ‘mugging’ that he was hospitalized for.”
“He’s going to hate that.” Morgan warned them. He knew it was a good idea, but he knew Spencer would absolutely hate it. To not only have to show his body to someone, but to let them photograph it and document it, to be so exposed in front of someone that way. It was almost a guarantee it would send the kid into a panic attack. God, I hate this, pretty boy. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Not just once, but over and over as you’re forced to relive it. I feel like we’re letting all these officers revictimize you. I wish we could just let this go, I really do. I wish I could take you somewhere and hide with you until everything was ok again. Morgan knew it was a foolish thought, but it was what he wanted to do. He didn’t want his baby boy to have to hurt anymore.
“Reid’s coming.” Emily said suddenly. She pointed outside to where Spencer was walking across the street. His hands were in his pockets and his head was down in the slight breeze, but it was obvious that his tension was less than it had been before. He looked more at ease than he had when he’d gone inside. This had been a good idea. The meeting had obviously been what he needed.
Done with their meal, the group rose to go meet him, Aaron pausing long enough to pay for everything—at his insistence.
Morgan stepped outside and headed straight for Spencer. The two met eyes when Spencer got close. Neither paused, walking straight to one another. When they were close, Morgan opened his arms and Spencer stepped right into them, folding his arms around Morgan’s and burrowing right in, letting Morgan hold him as tightly as he could without hurting him. They didn’t say anything at first; all they wanted was to hold one another.
Eventually Spencer pulled back, tipping his head just enough to let Morgan know he wanted a kiss. The older man smiled and obliged him. “Glad you enjoyed your movie, baby boy.”
“It helped.”
He kissed him again. “Then that’s what matters.”
Their moment was interrupted by Aaron walking over. Morgan could see on his boss’s face that something was wrong. He couldn’t help tightening his hold on his lover, instinctively reassuring himself that Spencer was still with him and ok. Everyone was looking at Aaron when he started to speak. “That was Strauss. She wants us all in the office, now.”
Emily’s mouth dropped open. “Now? For what?”
“Officially? She’s required to look into it when an agent fires their weapon off duty at a civilian. Not to mention that she needs to conduct her own investigation because of the report that was made with the police. So she’ll question us all separately about this and about anything that led up to this.” He looked over at Spencer. “I’m sorry, Reid. I couldn’t get her to put it off.”
Spencer didn’t even look surprised. His gaze was steady; the only sign of nerves being the hand that clenched slightly in the back of Morgan’s shirt. “It’s ok, Hotch. I knew it was coming. Let’s go get this over with.”
With a bad feeling in his stomach, Morgan followed his friends to the SUV, wondering how much worse this day could get.
CMCM
Even knowing that it would happen—there was no way Strauss would let something like this go without calling them in—didn’t stop Spencer from stressing over it. A part of his mind had been preparing for this moment ever since they’d called the police. Well, technically, he’d been thinking of it since he’d first told the team the truth. Even then he’d known that Strauss would push herself into this. That was inevitable. The morning’s events had only bumped up the dreaded visit.
He tried to lock down as much of his stress as possible when they walked into the BAU. Morgan’s presence beside him was helping tremendously. They weren’t holding hands there, though both wanted to. It just wasn’t the smartest thing to do here of all places. They knew that. Still, Spencer found himself wishing he could just feel the gentle pressure of Morgan’s hand against his. Maybe that would take away more of his tension. Maybe it would make him just a little more relaxed. You can do this. He reminded himself. You’ve done nothing wrong. You can’t get in trouble when you’ve done nothing wrong. Just calmly explain the truth in a set of facts that she cannot argue with.
All of his thoughts went out the window when they stepped out of the elevator and found someone waiting for them. Spencer only got one glimpse before he found himself with his arms full. He awkwardly hugged back; not because he didn’t want it but because his body was aching from so much movement today.
“God, Spence!” JJ pulled back, bracing her hands on his shoulders so she could get a good look at him. “I leave and this is what goes on around here? Am I going to have to come back just to keep you out of trouble?”
He couldn’t stop the smile that formed at her words. “You know I don’t actively seek out trouble, Jayje.”
“Yet somehow it always finds you.” Letting go of him, she moved her hands to her hips, looking suddenly furious. It was a look he’d seen only a few times and knew didn’t bode well for whoever had pissed her off. “Now, who is this little bastard and where do I find him?”
The others were chuckling as they formed a small group just outside the doors to the BAU. Spencer flushed and chewed at his lip. “It’s being taken care of.”
“So I hear. Luckily Garcia still keeps me updated on things. I find out about this all last night and get told to be on the lookout and then this morning she calls and tells me what went down at Morgan’s house. I don’t care how many cops are trying to take care of this, Spence. I still want to find him and kick his ass. How dare he hurt you?” She brought one hand up, brushing it over his bruised face. “Did he do this to you?”
Though he hadn’t looked in the mirror, Spencer knew how bad his face looked. He knew how bad all of him looked. The bruise on his eye had darkened overnight and looked worse than it felt. The marks around his neck had faded well, thankfully. Before too long there wouldn’t’ be much left to them. Though he bruised easy, they didn’t tend to stay for too long, a small blessing of his.
Realizing he hadn’t answered her question, Spencer hurried to do so. “No, no. These were from the last case. Unsub got a little upset.” He held up his hand, showing her the split. “My hand’s the worst, but it’s not that bad.” His eyes drifted over her shoulder and he had to resist a sigh. Strauss was standing by Aaron’s office, looking at the crowd of them. When she saw that Spencer noticed her, she crooked a finger, gesturing for him to come to her.
He reached out and lightly touched JJ’s arm. “If you’re here when I’m done, I’d love to visit more. But I’m being summoned before ‘her majesty’ right now.”
JJ smiled and lifted up to kiss his cheek. “May the force be with you, Spencer Reid.” She teased him. He snorted at her and headed into the bullpen.
Once the door was shut, JJ turned to look at the others. “Ok, Will and Henry are settled in Rossi’s office. I’ve got time. I want you guys to catch me up on everything. Every bit of it.”
Aaron gestured toward the doors. “That could take a while. Why don’t we go to the conference room?”