“Hello again, Michael.” There wasn’t a trace of fear or nerves in Spencer’s voice. It was strong and steady and didn’t waver in the least bit. Maybe at the moment he couldn’t control his body, but he would not give Michael the satisfaction of hearing anything in his voice but strength, anger, or disdain. He refused to let him win even at this. “I didn’t exactly expect to have you call.”
“You always were more of a fucking idiot than anyone else knew.”
Michael’s voice seemed to ring in the dining room. Spencer hadn’t been stupid enough to try and be the only one to listen. There was no way the others would have stood for that. This involved them all now. There was no hiding anything from them anymore.
Closing his eyes, Spencer worked to keep his voice that same calm, strong tone as before. “I don’t think I’m the one that’s acting stupid here. You made a mistake, coming for me the way you did. I contacted the police, Michael. They’re looking for you.”
“You think I don’t know that, you son of a bitch? You think I don’t know what you’re trying to do?” Michael shouted out. Behind him, Spencer heard the dining room door open; he glanced back quickly to see Will walk in. JJ rose to meet him and in their whispered conversation he heard Will tell her the kids were asleep. Then all his attention was back on the phone that was sitting on the table. “I know everything you’re doing, Spencer Reid! I know all of it. I know that you went to that fucking hospital and let them touch you. Let them take pictures of you. Did it feel good, telling everyone what you did wrong? Telling them all the ways you made me punish you?”
A lump built in Spencer’s throat. Michael was just baiting him. Just trying to draw him in and exert his control. But why? He had to know that a phone call wouldn’t change everything. “It hurt to tell them what you did to me, but I did what was right. You won’t get away with this. I won’t put up with this from you anymore. I deserve a hell of a lot more than you.”
“Oh? And you think that Morgan is the fucker to give it to you?” Michael seethed. What he said next surprised all of them but Spencer. “Are you the knight in shining armor, Morgan? Do you like my sloppy seconds?” The anger in his voice turned to a leering sound. “Have you fucked him yet? Everything he knows, I taught him. There’s not a part of that body I haven’t touched, haven’t fucked.”
Spencer tightened his grip on Morgan’s hand, begging him silently to keep his cool. He heard Morgan hiss “You son of a bitch.”
Laughter echoed from the phone. “Has he given you head yet? God, he’s got a great mouth. He can take it all, too, can’t you, Reid? Just like a whore.”
“Is there a point to this conversation, Michael?” Spencer interrupted before anyone could say anything. He hadn’t opened his eyes yet, afraid of what he would see on the faces of his friends. “Or did you just call to make your pathetic taunts? Because, really, I have to say you’re losing your touch if that’s all you have is jabs about my sex life.”
“Afraid your little boyfriend will get jealous?”
The others watched as something flashed over Spencer’s face. He couldn’t stop himself from replying to that taunt, even though he knew he shouldn’t. “Jealous of what? The fact that I was able to deep throat you? It’s not hard to swallow something the size of my middle finger.” The size was a lie, but he knew the jab would cut Michael deep.
As he’d expected, he could hear Michael almost growling in the background. “When I get my hands on you again, I swear to fucking God I’ll make you regret every damn minute of this.”
“Trust me; I already regret every minute I wasted on you. You can’t hurt me, Michael, and you can’t hurt those I love. We’ll stop you. You think you’ll win this, but you won’t. Turn yourself in now before this goes any further. Because I promise you, if you come after those I care about, there will be no hole deep enough for you to hide in.” Anger was gripping Spencer once more, filling him. “You think I was angry this morning? Hurt them and I guarantee, I won’t miss the next time.”
“It’ll be interesting to see, won’t it? We’ll see if you have the balls to go through with that threat, Reid. Or if you’ll end up begging on your knees, just like you always do.”
The phone clicked, indicating the end of the call. Spencer kept his eyes closed as he asked “Did you find him?”
“I got it!” Garcia said with a squeal. “He’s…oh shit, he’s at the airport. Just a second, just a second.” There was the sound of her fingers flying across the keys. Spencer finally had to open his eyes and look over at her, needing to watch for what was coming. Michael was at the airport? Where was he going to go? Who was he going to go after?
Garcia finally stopped typing. Her face lost a few shades of color, going paler and paler. Wide eyes lifted, turning, and Spencer knew. He knew exactly where Michael was going. His heart almost stopped when Garcia’s eyes locked on to Morgan. The entire dining room was silent as Garcia stared at Morgan, her mouth moving soundlessly. Spencer’s brain had been the first to make the leap. He knew Michael better than them all. In Michael’s eyes, going after Morgan’s family would make the most sense and cause the most damage. Not only hurting Spencer, but potentially putting a rift between the two men at the same time. It was a win-win for Michael.
Color seemed to leech from Morgan’s face. His hand, which had been holding Spencer’s leg, went limp. “No.” The soft word slipped past his lips with a horrifying weakness none of them had ever heard there before.
All at once life seemed to fill the room. Aaron had his phone out, dialing even as he commanded “See if you can delay his flight, Garcia. Anything. I’m contacting the local PD.” He cut off when the person on the other end of the phone answered. Rising, Aaron moved toward the kitchen, his voice trailing behind him as he went. “This is SSA Aaron Hotchner of the FBI and I have…” The door closed behind him, cutting off his words.
Fingers flying once more, Garcia was trying to delay the flight as best as possible, muttering at the computer. Morgan had finally regained life. He was scrambling for his cell phone in his pocket, barely able to make his hands work. Without a word, Spencer thrust his cell phone at the older man. Not a word was exchanged between them as Morgan took it and dialed. In a short moment he was speaking into the phone, his voice hoarse with emotion. “Mom? Yeah, it’s Derek.”
Spencer didn’t bother staying to listen to the conversation. He couldn’t stand the thought of being in there. While the others were distracted, he pushed his chair back, easily rising to his feet and heading toward the door. He knew he should probably stay there and comfort Morgan; the two were, well, he didn’t know quite what they were. More than friends, obviously. But they hadn’t officially labeled one another as boyfriends. All he knew was that, even if he should, he couldn’t stay in there with him.
Someone called his name. He didn’t pay them any mind. Moving fast, he was already halfway up the staircase when he heard the dining room door open and someone start coming after him. Even with their footsteps behind him—who was it? He wasn’t quite sure. He didn’t care—he didn’t bother stopping. Just headed straight for the room he and Morgan had shared.
When he reached it, he didn’t hesitate to snap the door shut behind him. Even as a hand touched the knob on the other side, Spencer clicked the lock into place. He didn’t want to see anyone at the moment. Didn’t want to talk to anyone or hear what they had to say. Couldn’t they understand that being around them right now was almost impossible for him? Any of the physical pain he was feeling was almost completely gone now, overshadowed by the pain that was wrapping around his heart.
This was why he hadn’t told anyone. This was why he’d stayed and put up with this for so long. Now, because he’d tried to step away, because he’d told everyone his dirty secret, all of them were in danger. Their families were in danger. For him.
Well, no more. There was no way in hell he was going to stand around here and let everyone stand between him and Michael. No one was going to be hurt because of him. Spencer marched to his go-bag, ignoring the knocking on the door, and pulled his holster and gun out, easily attaching them to his hip. If everyone thought he was going to just take this lying down, they had another thing coming. Not only was Michael going after the family of someone he cared about, but he was going after the family of the man he loved. In turn, he was going to destroy Morgan. All bets were off, now.
The only thing Spencer had to figure out was how to get out of here. One handed, it was going to be interesting. He moved toward the window, intending on taking a look and seeing if there was a way he could get down from there. Just as he lifted the window, though, the bedroom door burst open. Spencer only had enough time to turn around before he found a hand fisted in his shirt, pushing him against the wall by the window and a very angry Emily in front of him. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” she demanded.
He didn’t even flinch. “Whatever I need.”
“So you were going to take your clumsy ass out a second story window and what? Try and find Michael? Even if you snuck out of here, he’s on a flight to Chicago! You can’t fly, Reid. You’d never get there in time.”
Of course he wouldn’t. That hadn’t been his intention. His silence seemed to answer her, though. He watched comprehension dawn in her eyes. She let go of him, stepping back to gape at him. “You were going to call him and turn yourself over, weren’t you?”
Was there any point in denying it to her? In lying to a trained profiler? “Like I said, I’ll do whatever I need.” He repeated. Coolly he stepped away from the wall and straightened his shirt. Pride and determination were all that kept his spine straight and his voice steady. “Did you actually think I’d sit here while he goes…?” He couldn’t finish that sentence. Swallowing, he contained the pain, pushing it down inside. “I will not let people be hurt because of me, Emily. I won’t.”
“So you decide to sneak out a window, potentially killing yourself in the process?” she fired back at him.
Didn’t she understand? “Am I just supposed to stay and wait for a call to tell me if he’s caught or not? If he succeeded or not?” he yelled at her. The tone and volume of his own voice surprised him, but not enough to make him stop. “Am I supposed to just sit here like some damn damsel in distress and let people act as a shield between him and I?”
Emily stepped up until they were almost nose to nose again. Her voice was just as loud as his as she shouted right back at him. “You should be down there with Morgan right now, helping him through this! That’s what you should be doing! He needs you, Reid, and you’re up here being an idiot!”
The pain and rage he’d been pushing down now reared up, morphing together and exploding from him. He spun away from her, kicking a chair out of his way so he could march sideways .When he reached the wall, he spun around to face her again. “Do you really think he wants me down there?” He shouted in an agonizing voice. “How am I supposed to help him, Emily? Huh? Am I supposed to tell him it’ll be ok? Am I supposed to hold his hand? I’m the reason his family’s in danger to begin with! And you want me to go comfort him? This is my fault! Mine! I’m the last person Derek needs to see right now.”
“You’re exactly who I need to see.” Morgan said hoarsely.
Emily turned to look at Morgan, who was standing in the doorway, his hands braced on the doorframe. Behind him stood Aaron, Dave, Will and JJ. Garcia had elected to keep working and to keep an ear on the children.
The sound of Morgan’s voice had Spencer’s eyes sliding shut. He couldn’t bring himself to look at the other man. Couldn’t stand to see the pain on his face. It was hard enough to hear it in his voice. The guilt that was eating at Spencer’s insides grew a little more at how hoarse Morgan had sounded. How could Morgan say he was exactly who he needed to see? This was his fault. All of it was his fault.
Soft footsteps sounded, telling Spencer that Morgan was coming in to the room. There were no other sounds. The rest of the team stood silent, watching the scene unfold, unable to look away from the two men. Morgan stopped about a foot away from Spencer, not bothering to reach out to touch the man. Anyone could see that Spencer was not going to allow himself to be touched now.
Air caught in Spencer’s throat. He found himself holding his breath when Morgan stopped. He waited for the recriminations, the anger. He’d have every right. I never should have let it get this far. I never should have said anything.
“Spencer, I’m not mad at you.” Morgan finally spoke in a gentle voice. “This isn’t your fault. And my family, they’re safe. Police are on their way now to watch over them. They’re fine. But this is not your fault and I am not mad at you for this. “
Spencer couldn’t stop himself from saying “You should be.”
“Why? You aren’t responsible for the decisions he makes. You aren’t him. This, all of it, it’s on his shoulders, not yours.”
“But I knew!” The emotion built again, breaking down Spencer’s walls. His eyes flung open and his hand came up to tap at his chest as he let himself turn and look at Morgan. He didn’t pay attention to anyone else in the room. “I knew what he’d do, Derek! He’s told me countless times in vivid detail what he’d do to any of you guys. He wrote it out and made me read it just so he could be sure I’d never forget it. I knew and I still was stupid enough to put you guys in this position. How the hell can you not be mad at me?”
“You think it’d be any better for me to know that you were still living like that with him, Spencer? Do you think the idea of you being hurt will hurt me any less than the idea of my mom or my sisters being hurt? You’re just as important to me as they are!”
“I shouldn’t have ever even let you know what was going on.” The words were ripped from Spencer without thought. His eyes burned with the effort to keep the tears inside. But the agony was too much to restrain. It poured from him in his words. “I’d done a damn good job of surviving before. I never should have said anything! Then none of us would be here. If I’d just kept my mouth shut, if I’d sucked it up and dealt with it, none of you would be in danger right now.”
“The hell with that!” Angry now, Morgan closed the last bit of distance between them, putting himself right in Spencer’s face. “Eventually he would have killed you and you damn well know it! How is that better? How is that ok?”
“At least you’d all be safe and alive!” Spencer shrieked. In those words, the anger was gone, only the agony remained. He couldn’t keep his head above it anymore. It was drowning him, blocking everything else out. “Because of me, your families are in danger. Because of me, all of you are in danger. Because he wants to hurt me! Me!” As another wave crashed over him, Spencer brought his hands up, covering his face. All the fight drained out of him. He felt his knees buckle underneath him, but he never had the chance to hit the ground. Morgan was there to catch him; to gather him close and hold him tightly.
The tears came now, burning their way down his cheeks. That iron control that Spencer kept over his pain was gone now. He didn’t retreat into his mind the way he usually did; he couldn’t. All his mental reserves were gone. For the first time in so long, Spencer couldn’t control the tears or the pain. It poured from him with great, gasping sobs that made his body shudder.
Morgan’s arms were tight around him, holding him up, keeping him safe and steady. That only made it worse. Morgan’s family was the one that was in danger and here Spencer was, breaking to pieces. He should have been gone. He should have been the one comforting Morgan. Yet Morgan was here, holding him, comforting him. That thought made Spencer’s tears come harder.
All the while, Morgan whispered in his ear, never leaving him. “That’s it, baby boy. Let it all out. You’ve held it in too long. You just go ahead and let it out. I’m here and I’ve got you. I’ve got you now.”
Spencer cried for everything in that moment. He cried for the pain he’d lived with; for the feeling of being someone so worthless that a man who was supposed to have loved him had ended up hurting him. He cried for all the bruises he’d never allowed himself to cry for before. He cried for the pain he was causing his friends, the danger he was putting them in. All of it poured out of him in rivers of tears and sobs that sounded almost like screams as they clawed up his throat.
There were tears sliding down Emily’s cheeks at the raw pain emanating from her friend. Aaron and Dave stood, their own tears shining in their eyes but not falling down their cheeks. Will held JJ close, her sobs silent. The pain in the room was palpable. When Spencer started to pull in Morgan’s arms, to try and get free, muttering something that sounded like “shouldn’t be here. My fault…my fault” Their hearts ached even more.
Morgan took it all, never letting go. When Spencer’s struggles grew, Morgan simply sank down to the ground with him and held him closer, continuing to whisper to him. He wasn’t whispering words of reassurance anymore. Instead he whispered, over and over, “I love you. I love you.”
The words filled Spencer, bringing on more and more tears. He stopped trying to fight Morgan and instead flung his arms around the older man’s neck. There he cried until there was nothing left to cry. Until the sobs had quieted to soft hiccups and his eyes couldn’t shed another tear. But he didn’t move. He couldn’t move. It felt like there was nothing left to him.
They all heard soft footsteps outside the room. When they stopped, the whisper that came next was audible in the sudden silence of the room. “I couldn’t stall the plane, sir. But I’ve sent out a warning to airport police. They’ll nab him when he arrives.”
Another tremble ran down Spencer’s body. He heard someone start to talk, but the ringing of a cellphone interrupted it. Spencer paid it no attention. He didn’t care about who was calling who. At least, not until he heard Garcia’s painful “What?” followed by a “Yes, yes. Thank you, I’m on my way.”
Spencer somehow managed to lift his head, though it felt as if it was stuffed with cotton. He looked to where Garcia stood. She was pale, eyes wide, and Spencer knew something bad had happened. Something else had gone wrong. A rushing sound filled his ears and his eyes closed, but it didn’t stop him from hearing what Garcia said. “That…that was the hospital. Graceful Heart. They…Kevin was shot in the parking garage at work. He’s fine, but they had to remove the bullet from his arm.”
That was the last thing Spencer heard before the rushing in his ears overtook him and his mind succumbed to the pressure it was under by sucking him down into darkness.