As the three men stood listening in the living room of their friends house, two more gunshots sounded and there was the crash that they assumed was the phone dropping down to the ground. Shouts echoed, garbled by the distance, unable to be understood amidst the obvious commotion going on. It was all Spencer could do to stay upright. Over and over his mind kept repeating Emily, Emily, Emily. She had to be ok. She just had to!
Just when it was starting to be too much, when they would have dropped the phone and said the hell with it all before racing to the hospital, someone scooped the phone back up. Dave’s voice came over the line. “Reid? Morgan? Will? You guys still there?”
“Is she ok?” Morgan asked in way of a reply. That was all they needed to know right now. Would she be ok?
Dave’s answer came quick. “She’s fine. A graze on her arm, barely tore it open. She doesn’t even need stitches, just a bandage.” There was a soft chuckle. “Though I think she’s scarred the ears of most of the people in here. Who knew that woman had such a mouth on her? She’s been cursing to high heaven and back the entire time they cleaned her up.”
The relief was so great that Spencer would have hit the floor if Morgan and Will both hadn’t caught him and sat him down on the couch. They took up positions on either side of him, the phone held out in the middle. “Everyone else is ok?” Will asked. His worry was evident in his voice; JJ was there. He had to know JJ was ok.
“Everyone’s fine. Hotch has everyone heading to the waiting room until extra agents arrive and can clear outside. You guys make sure you stay there, you hear me? Stay safe. Seems like the bastard’s here, so you should be fine so long as you don’t come here.”
How was this right? How could he just sit here while his friends were being shot at? While the bastard who wanted him—him, Spencer Reid, not anyone else. Not any of his friends, but him—was at the hospital trying to pick his friends off in an effort to draw him out. To hurt him. He knew Spencer well enough to know that he wasn’t the type of person to just let others be hurt. Spencer was too much of a protector.
Most people wouldn’t cast me in that role when they look at me. They’d see the protected, not the protector. And the team does tend to look out for me a little more than they do the others—how many times have I been called a danger magnet? But I’ve never had the relationships with anyone else the way I do with all of them and that’s something I cherish. A thing I want to protect. I’ve always been a little on the protective side anyways. Mom said I was her little warrior; the protector of the innocent. It amused her and made her smile at me.
The fact that he was rambling in his own thoughts was something of a concern for Spencer, but that didn’t mean he could stop it. He just couldn’t focus on anything else right now.
So now I have to just sit here and wait for people to escort those I care about back here where they can be safe. But what about after that? We can’t hide at Rossi’s house forever. We have lives, a job, families. None of us can just lock away in Rossi’s until Michael’s found. That’s no kind of life. At one point we’re going to have to leave here. What then? Is my family going to be at risk all the time now? Am I going to have to spend forever looking over my shoulder, waiting for one of them to be taken from me, all because Michael wants me back? The only other option is handing myself over to him.
Just the thought of that had Spencer’s stomach rolling with nausea.
How selfish does it make me that I don’t want to do the one thing that could save them all? I would have done it earlier if Emily hadn’t stopped me. I know I’d do it now if I thought I could get away with it—ha ha, like Derek will let me out of his sight long enough to get away. But…I don’t want to. Part of me was glad when Emily stopped me. That same part is glad that Derek won’t leave me alone because he knows I’d take the opportunity to run. You know you’re getting pathetic when parts of you are warring with one another and you can’t even make it make sense in your own mind. Snap out of this, Spencer Reid! If people could read your thoughts, they’d lock you away as a lunatic.
Lips pressing against his abruptly drew Spencer from his thoughts and into the present moment. He knew the feel of those lips perfectly and couldn’t stop himself from responding to the kiss. God, Morgan could kiss! Every time he managed to somehow shut Spencer’s brain off so that he could only feel.
After pulling back, Morgan smiled at him. “You were thinking too loudly, baby boy. Did you even notice Dave hung up the phone?”
Hung up the phone? Spencer looked down to see the closed phone in Morgan’s hand. Huh. No, he hadn’t noticed. Ok so, wow, he’d really spaced out that time. You’re lucky no one’s locked you up for THAT. You really need to learn to not get lost in your own thoughts so often, you freak. That can’t be healthy. Normal people don’t do that. Since when had he been normal, though? “Sorry, Derek. Just…”
When Spencer trailed off, Morgan picked up the sentence for him. “Too much. I get it, Spencer. It’s ok.”
That was when Spencer first noticed something else. He looked over to where Will had been on the couch, then around the room, finally settling back on Morgan’s face. “Where’d Will go?” he asked. The laughter Morgan let out had Spencer blushing. “You really were out of it, weren’t you, sugar? Man. He got up to go down the hall and crash with the kids for a bit. I told him I’d wake him up if we found out anything more.”
“I’m sorry.” Spencer apologized. His cheeks heated a little more with his blush. He felt a bit foolish now.
Morgan shifted them, leaning back into the corner of the couch and pulling Spencer back with him. The younger man moved without thinking, letting Morgan lead him back. The older man pulled him down so that Spencer’s head was cradled in Morgan’s lap. Instantly one of Morgan’s hands started to stroke his hair, nails lightly scratching over his scalp. It felt wonderful. Heavenly. Just light enough to be comforting instead of arousing; he loved when Morgan’s fingers gave those little pulls to his hair when they were together. Loved the little jolt it gave him.
“Sleep a little, pretty boy. We’ve probably got a little time here. Just relax, rest that big brain of yours, and sleep a little. We’ll hear the phone if it rings.”
It sounded like a good idea. He was tired enough that he knew he’d fall asleep quickly if his brain would just stop racing. But there was still something about this whole thing that wasn’t setting right with him. Something still felt a little off. What is it, though? I figured out that he’d be going there after them. I figured out that the Chicago trip was a ruse. What’s still bugging me about this?
A tug to his hair drew him back again. “I thought I told you to quit thinking so hard.” Morgan scolded him.
Spencer wrinkled his nose a little. “You do realize it’s just a little creepy when you do that, don’t you?” He said, letting his eyes drift shut. “Even without seeing my face, you knew I was thinking again.”
“I’m just that good, Spencer.” When Spencer snorted at that comment, Morgan let out a laugh. “And it helps that you give yourself away. Your body was tensing again and I could feel the frown on your face against my leg.”
It was weird, in a good sort of way, to have someone who understood him so well. Spencer made his body relax a little and tried to shut off the thoughts running around inside his brain. Focus on something else. You’re just being paranoid about this with Michael. Everyone is ok. Focus on something else. He smiled a little and brought his hand up to rest on Morgan’s leg, near his face. “I’m not quite used to someone understanding me as well as you do.” He admitted softly. “Usually I’m the freak that people can never quite understand.”
A little tug to his hair told him he’d upset Morgan. He quickly found out why. “You’re not a freak, Spencer. Different, yes, but not a freak. I don’t like hearing you talk about yourself like that.”
“Derek, I’ve always been the freak in the crowd. It’s something I came to terms with a long time ago. The first time I was bumped up in school, I knew it. It’s ok.”
“That doesn’t make you a freak.” Morgan really sounded upset with this. If he hadn’t been so comfortable, Spencer would have rolled over to look up at his face. But Morgan’s hand was stroking at his hair again and he was so warm and comfortable laying this way. Plus, it made it easier to have this kind of conversation when he didn’t have to look at anything. Just lay with his eyes closed and enjoy the closeness. “Why does it bother you so much?” he asked.
“Because I love you, Spencer, and I don’t like to hear you put yourself down that way. You’re a fantastic person. I’ve thought that from the first day I met you. Just like I could see even then that you don’t realize it. Other people may be hard on you, but you always seem to be harder on yourself.”
Was he harder on himself than other people were? Spencer had never stopped to think of that. It seemed…odd. He didn’t think that he was. “I don’t look at it like that. It’s just, well, when you’ve been told something for a long time, whether it is true or not, your brain comes to accept it as the truth. I’ve been called a freak my whole life, Der.” Somehow it was easy to say these things right now; things that, before, he never would have dared to say to anyone. “By my dad, the kids at school, at college, in the academy. Even at the bureau. You eventually get to the point where you think it has to be true if everyone else in the world sees it.”
The hand in his hair stilled for a moment before resuming its stroking. When Morgan spoke again, his voice was slightly hoarse, like there was something stuck in his throat. “I don’t see a freak when I look at you. I see someone wonderful, someone beautiful. One of the smartest, kindest, most gentle men I’ve ever known. Yet underneath all that is this core of strength even you don’t seem to notice.”
Core of strength? That had Spencer’s eyes opening wide with surprise even as his cheeks flushed with the compliments. “I’m not that strong.” He argued almost instantly. “Look at the places I’ve put myself in? Look what I let be done. The drugs. Michael.”
“Hush. You may have had weak moments, but that doesn’t take away from the strength. Yeah, you got addicted. But you pulled yourself up out of it. You got clean. Hell, kid, you’re so much on the straight and narrow that you don’t even take narcotics when you’re injured. To deal with the pain you’ve dealt with and not give in and take those narcotics shows immense strength.”
He’d never really thought of it like that. I don’t see that as ‘strength’. That’s just doing what needs to be done. But he didn’t get to say that. Morgan wasn’t done.
“And with Michael you’ve shown more strength than anyone. There aren’t many people I know that would be able to deal with the abuse you dealt with and still be alive, let alone sane. And you did it, not just out of fear of your own life, but to protect all of us. Not everyone could have done that. Plenty of people would have broken underneath the strain of that, pretty boy. But somehow you managed not only to survive, but to keep going. To move on.”
The blush in Spencer’s cheeks grew more and more. He turned his head, burying his face against Morgan’s leg. He just wasn’t used to hearing people talk about him like this. It was wonderful, but it was embarrassing too. He didn’t know what to say, what to do. How to act. A chuckle from above him told him that Morgan knew he’d embarrassed him. “All right, baby boy. I’ll stop. But you better get used to hearing some compliments from me. I can’t help myself. You’re just that damn good. And we haven’t even gotten into how hot you are.”
“Shut up.” Spencer mumbled. When Morgan laughed at him again, Spencer gave in to the urge in him and bit the older man’s leg. It only succeeded in making Morgan laugh more. “Quit biting me, you little brat.” Morgan said teasingly. “Or you’re going to start something here on Rossi’s couch that we probably shouldn’t finish right now.” Now that brought wonderful, tantalizing thoughts into Spencer’s brain. He smiled a little. Morgan must have felt it because he chuckled again and said “Uh-uh, Spencer Reid. Get your brain out of the gutter and take a little nap. Your body needs that more than anything right now.”
Spencer couldn’t resist asking “Do I have to?”
He was rewarded with more of Morgan’s laughter. He really did love hearing him laugh. It was such a deep, warm sound. “Yes, you have to. Behave and I’ll make it worth your while later.”
“Mm. I’m holding you to that.” When did I become so sexually forward? I remember feeling so shy about all of this before! Something about Derek just makes it so…easy. I don’t feel worried about doing something wrong. I don’t feel awkward anymore. He just…he makes me comfortable in my own skin. He makes it easy to just let go and feel instead of think. “I love you, Derek.”
“I love you too, Spencer. Now hush and sleep.”
He decided to take his advice. Sleep really did sound like the best bet right now. After the day he’d had, even with the earlier nap, Spencer felt exhausted. It had been a physically and mentally draining day. So he snuggled back in, closed his eyes again, and let himself get lost in the sensation of Morgan stroking his hair.
Slowly his thoughts started to slow, emptying out a little more with each passing moment. The tension in his body eased and he could feel himself slipping toward the edges of sleep. Just a little nap while they waited for the others to call back. Just a little bit.
It was in that moment of perfect stillness, absolute peace, that the last piece of the puzzle fell into place for Spencer. The one thing that had still felt off about the whole situation, the thought that had been eluding him, jumped right to the front when his mind stopped overanalyzing it. Everything in him grew tense as the truth became glaringly obvious. Holy shit. I’m an idiot. I can’t believe I didn’t see it.
Before Morgan could ask him what had him tensing, Spencer was shooting up off the couch, his eyes wide. “Oh my God.” He whispered.
Morgan rose to his feet, looking at Spencer with confusion and a trace of fear. “What is it? Spencer, what’d you figure out?” He knew that look of realization. The whole team did. It was the expression Spencer got when he’d figured out a puzzle on a case. Something crucial. Something that brought it all together.
“It was another distraction.” Spencer breathed out. Those words released the paralysis that had gripped him for just a moment. His body was moving, racing up the stairs and toward the room they’d been in earlier. He needed to get to his gun. When he’d passed out earlier, Morgan had taken it off and left it on the bed. He needed to get his gun!
He heard Morgan racing up behind him and didn’t bother to pause and explain. When he reached the room, Spencer grabbed his gun and checked it as the words tripped out of his mouth. “He’s a better shot than that, Derek. If he really wanted to take Emily out, he would have. If he was close enough to hit, he was close enough to kill. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t take the shot. She was another distraction.”
The realization was dawning on Morgan’s face too. Then he was moving, grabbing his gun as well. “Because she wasn’t the target. None of them were.” He ground out while he checked to make sure his gun was loaded and the safety was off.
Spencer moved from the room, gun held at the ready in his hand. “It was just to distract us. To keep the others at the hospital, afraid to leave, waiting for backup. He wanted them distracted so he could do what he really wanted.” He was racing down the stairs now, amazed he wasn’t tripping. “He’s coming here, Derek. He’s coming here, now!”
Leaving Morgan to secure the back doors—he was already moving toward the dining room—Spencer raced down the downstairs hall to where Will and the kids were. Somehow he contained his anxiety and refrained from jerking the door open too hard. Will was up in an instant, gun in his hand, looking at Spencer. “He’s coming here.” Spencer said simply. “No matter what you hear, don’t come out of this room. Guard the kids.” That was all he needed to say. Will rose from the bed and nodded, taking up place between the door and the bed where the two kids still slept on. His gun was steady in his hand.
Spencer shut the door and raced back out toward the living room. He heard Morgan checking the back doors still, making sure they were locked and secure. Moving quickly, Spencer raced toward the front door just in time to see it come flying open. He didn’t even have time to lift his gun. He was too close. Time slowed for Spencer. He saw his hand trying to come up, felt the shout well up in his throat, saw Michael come tearing in with a gun in hand. Then a fist to the side of his head sent him flying into the wall, his gun clattering to the ground, right before an arm wrapped around his throat and he felt cold metal pressed against his temple. All around him he heard the shrill sound of the alarm.
“Shut that fucking alarm off, or I blow your brains out and then I blow out your little fuck buddy’s brains when he comes barreling in.” Michael hissed in his ear.
The threat wasn’t an idle one. Dazed, Spencer brought a hand up, punching the code into the keypad he was shoved in front of. Right as the alarm shut off, he heard Morgan’s footsteps and then his voice, deep and furious. “Let him go!”
The door was kicked shut and Spencer felt the grip around his throat tighten as he was turned. Wide eyed, Spencer met Morgan’s gaze across the distance. His lover stood there, gun held high, a look of determination on his face. Only someone who knew him well would see the fear in his eyes.
A nasty little chuckle sounded in Spencer’s ear. The gun dug in a little tighter, making Spencer’s body tremble. “Well, well. This was much easier than I thought it would be.” Michael said nastily. His smile was evident in his voice. “Drop your gun, Agent Morgan, or I blow his brains out right here and right now.” When Morgan didn’t move, Michael’s arm tightened a little more over Spencer’s throat, making him gasp for air. “Do it, now!”
Eyes locked on Spencer’s, Morgan sent an unspoken apology before he knelt down and set his gun on the ground.